Being Present in Love
It’s not too often I can find someone who can hold the level of space needed for the depths of all that I am. It’s not that I am a walking trauma dumper or need constant validation, companionship, or to be seen 100% of the time. No, I am far too worried about repelling people that I carefully adjust to meet others where they are. Often becoming the space holder they didn’t know they needed until it was suddenly available. I have simply faced the darkness of my own shadows enough that the darkness in others no longer causes me to run away.
Why are we so conditioned to fear the discomfort? Why do we shy away from the pain we all eventually feel in this human experience?
I can’t speak for the whole of humanity but in the places I have lived, we the collective are fearless heroes. Stepping in to save the day when immediate crisis occurs. Doing whatever it takes to move things into the safety of calmer waters. But what happens after that? When the adrenaline dissipates and the community returns to their own every day lives. What happens when there is still so much to process in the wake of your experiences yet no quick fixes to make everything all better again? The heroes don’t stay once the crisis is gone and you begin to see who is really there to weather the storms as each day passes.
People aren’t built for long term compassion. They care enough yet the extent to which they are available to walk with you is entirely dependent on their own ability to sit with pain. I purposefully didn’t tell anyone when I got sick because there is nothing worse than watching other people recoil in discomfort at your experience. Like bro, even if I wasn’t gifted I can totally see your face. The sad look of pity mixed with get me the fuck out of here. I’ve seen this face countless times, not only when I was wasting away trying to survive, but in the myriad of other painful experiences where I couldn’t be everyone’s Sunshine Heather. When I was an actual human struggling through heartache, loss, grief, rejection, neglect, manipulation, and so much pain. Pain that I didn’t have the luxury of running away from. That no matter how much I tried to numb my emotions and distract my thoughts, I couldn’t escape. Rock bottom after rock bottom that I had to face alone. The absolute full surrender I had to allow in order to create the space I needed to hold all the parts of me. Allowing the anger, the sadness, and the disappointment to be seen. To be felt. To be heard. To see the parts of myself that disgust me. My shame. My failures. All the ways in which I have let down not only the people in my life but taking ownership for all the ways I’ve failed myself. Holding my weaknesses without brutally attacking them. Letting myself feel validated for what I’d been through, holding the victim in love instead of brushing over all that deeply impacted and changed me. Letting go the judgement and expectations, the unrealistic standards and the control. To allow all those shadows and all that darkness, ever so present, to be fully held and seen without shying away even when the discomfort overwhelmed me. I let myself fully embrace the shadows clouding my life and one by one they softened. One by one I found a way to open my heart to these parts of me as the shadows integrated with the light. It isn’t about the absence of but the integration into oneness.
We are all that we are, the shadows and the light, and there is no need to fear that which we are in oneness. Yet as much as this is the divine truth, we are still here on earth having our human experience. The journey of our souls expansion. And on this journey I continue to unlock parts of myself on even deeper levels asking to be held in the light. And as a human, I am still vulnerable to the needs and desires of being held when those painful parts arise.
I had the opportunity to speak on this at a recent meeting when asked what stops us from embodying the gifts of our higher self. I shared that in spiritual spaces I feel safe to allow the sacred parts of myself to flow freely but find myself being shut down and rejected by humanity. How am I to be of service when the full embodiment of all that I am repels people and causes me to become small? How am I supposed to be the empowered, fully authentic me when the world around me keeps shutting me down? Even in spaced that are specifically designed to support my vulnerability somehow reject me or make me feel like a burden. What is is about me that causes others to close their hearts when mine is breaking to be seen?
I know how I show up in spaces, leading the way to allow others to feel safe to soften and be seen. Maybe I make it look easy but let me be clear, even now, exposing these parts of myself here in these words is terrifying. I am painfully private. Do you honestly think I feel super safe sharing this with you? It takes an insane amount of courage to put your heart and soul on the line. To talk openly about that which causes you the greatest pain. To reveal the deeper limiting beliefs weaving their way through each moment of your life. To shine light on your failures. Your hopes. Your dreams. Your heart. It’s hard enough facing these pieces in private let alone to the world at large. Knowing there will be judgement. Knowing that instead of a heart that held me, I’ll get a double thumbs up as if nothing I said even mattered or was even heard.
It matters to me.
That’s why I show up. That’s why I share. That’s why I hold space for others. Because I need that space held too. Because I know the depth of pain a human can feel and how alone and isolating it can be when no one can bear to witness the discomfort and pain. It’s not about saving the day. It’s about being present so they don’t have to go through it alone. It’s understanding there’s not always something to say and nothing that can be done. It’s about being present in love.
June 17, 2026 | Heather Harti, Soul Star Inspired Wellness