Divine Connection

Leading up to my spiritual awakening, I had been finding myself isolating more and avoiding the relationships I held so close to my heart. I thought maybe I was just being weird and awkward but something in me just couldn’t connect in the way that had always been so natural to me. I was withdrawing into myself more and more every day and getting sick was the knife that completely severed what little connection I had left, leaving me unable to work, socialize, or even function. Not only was I pulling away but I became hyper aware of the disconnect most people feel when someone is experiencing long term suffering. I can’t tell you how many times I would speak candidly about what I was going through just to see the sad look of feeling sorry for me mixed with get me the fuck out of here on someones face. I get it. Our society is more designed for immediate response heroism and less for long term compassion. We want to help fix the problem right away and aren’t really taught how to hold space when the problem persists without a solution to make it better.

When the pandemic hit, I was further isolated when I moved back to California and into a little cabin tucked away in the mountains. I was 45 minutes from town and the closest neighbor was a 5 minute drive away, not that it mattered with the first wave of shelter in place in full force. Over the next 4 years, I watched as friendships fell apart, my relationship crumble, and my already small world get even smaller. The deeper I went into my spiritual journey, the more I was being called inward. I was being asked to meet the darkest parts of my being. To come face to face with everything I fought so desperately to escape. My world was falling apart so that I could come home to the Divine truth of my being. To discover my divinity and connect with the Divine so intimately that my entire existence became one with the path I now walk. The way in which I was called to live and be of service to the light and to humanity. To become one with all that I am and all that is.

As the time has come to emerge from my cocoon of transformation, it is strange relearning how to navigate my external environment. I had become so accustomed to endless amounts of time and space to be in connection with myself and the Divine that I’m finding it hard to find balance as I create new friendships and interact with the world again. On one hand, it is so fulfilling to share space with others, to laugh, to create, to get out and do things again. I didn’t realize how much I had missed being apart of a humanity. Yet as I find myself desiring this time and connection more and more, I am struggling to feel my connection with the divine. I went from having nothing to do to having so much going on. I went from being hyper focused on my healing to being focused on the enjoyment of my experiences. I know that I am a spiritual being having a human experience but I’ve forgotten how to be both at the same time. This feeling of disconnection has become glaring over the last few weeks as I stumble around trying to find my way forward. How can I find balance between the physical and spiritual world? How can I bring my divinity forward into my humanity? How can I allow the divine light to shine through me in all that I do? How do I blend my internal and external worlds into one beautiful and cohesive experience?

As I gently navigate my way forward, I hold love and compassion for each step I take. This discomfort is but one more opportunity to allow the light to illuminate the parts of myself that are asking to be embraced. An opportunity to learn and to grow into the wholeness of who I am now, who I have always been destined to be. I have to remind myself that it takes time to integrate and become. That every new beginning starts with taking the first step forward. That the feelings of separation and disconnection are simply an illusion. That I am always supported and held in love by the Divine. That I am never a part from the divine with in me. That in time, the full expression of all that I am will become a natural part of my authentic being out in the world just as it has within me. That my connection with the divine will only become stronger as I surrender and allow the unfolding of the journey ahead. There is no end to the path we walk for our soul is here for expansion. Expansion that occurs in each moment through our challenges, our enjoyments, and our experiences here on earth. It is in the continual remembrance of all that we are that we allow the the light to guide us each step of the way. We are never apart from the divine light of source. We ARE the expression of the Divine light in each moment, in all that we do and all that we are.

October 3, 2024 | Heather Harti, Soul Star Inspired Wellness

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